Deck... what ever.

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, 'lope with you!

Hunky Dory's pop is lolly gaggin' on the wagon,
Willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!

Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!

from Walt Kelly's comic strip POGO.

Tis the Season.... BAH HUMBUG!!




I haven't felt like writing much lately because I have been in such a foul mood over the Holiday Season. Why am I in such a foul mood you ask? Well, let me try to explain it to you. In one word: Holidazzle.




Holidazzle is a parade in downtown Minneapolis that runs Wednesday thru Sunday from the after Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for Holiday Cheer. I prefer the Christmas kind myself, but that's how I was brought up. Holidazzle is a marketing creation to get people to come to downtown Minneapolis at night and get in the Holiday Shopping Mood.Even so, I can appreciate it somewhat, since giving gifts (not receiving them) is how Christmas is celebrated. No, the crass commercialism leaves me a little put off, but I can over look that. What really chaps my ass is the morons who come down to watch this parade.



The self-centered, self-righteous people who come Downtown for this parade are legion at this time of year. They clog the skyways. They cause gridlock because they don't understand driving courtesy. It's as if Downtown Minneapolis were there for them to play in, rather than visit and the people who work here are faceless drones who get in the way. Never mind that people who work Downtown usually want to haul ass out of there before the parade starts.



Seven years ago, I had to work late and was trying to cross Nicollet Mall to get to the bus stop. It was about 6:15 and the parade starts at 6:30. I was waiting to cross the street at stop light, not wanting to play dodge-em with the cars on the snowy streets, and rather than wedge my mass through the crowd of parade spectators, I walk in front of the barricades, give the traffic officer a nod to indicate that all I'm doing is getting out of their way, when a woman behind me says "Could you move, my child can't see the parade."




Now the parade wasn't about to start for 15 minutes and I tell her that I am waiting to cross the street. However, she still insists that I move because her child can't see the parade, which had yet to start. I say to her that I am trying to cross the street so I can catch a bus and she has the gaul to tell me that I have no Christmas spirit. The street light changes and I say over my shoulder to her "Only because of people like you."




Needless to say, I haven't seen but one Holidazzle parade since then, and have spent much time trying recapture the altruism of the season that was siphoned out of me by commercial Christmas events and the morons who worship them. I wonder if anyone else who works in Downtown Minneapolis feels the same way about this as I do? If so, e-mail me at tazwert2usinternet.com.



Have yourself a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Really